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"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer
I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass
and think about the workers in the brewery and all
of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer,
they might be out of work and their dreams would be
shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better
that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true
than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Jack Handy
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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When
they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day."
Frank Sinatra
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"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be
drunk to spend time with his fools."
Ernest Hemingway
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave
up reading."
Henny Youngman
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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not."
Stephen Wright
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's
all get drunk and go to heaven!"
Brian O'Rourke
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"Without question, the greatest invention in
the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that
the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel
does not go nearly as well with pizza."
Dave Barry
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Remember "I" before "E", except
in Budweiser.
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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffalo Theory of getting drunk, as explained by
Cliff Clavin, Cheers Actor
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining
the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it
went: Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of
buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.
And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and
weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This
natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and health of the whole group
keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest
members. "In much the same way, the human brain
can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain
cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest
brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption
of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the
brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
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